You might be a nurse if...

your friends call you for medical advice.
discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.
you have the bladder capacity of five people.
you have your weekends off planned for a year in advance.
you believe that "ask-a-nurse" is an evil plot thought up by satan.
you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if the phrase, "wow, it is really quiet" is uttered
you mutter, "great veins" when being introduced to a complete stranger
you think that caffeine should be available in IV form.
you have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say, "I have no idea how that got stuck in there."
you have ever had a patient say, "but i'm not pregnant, i can't be pregnant, how can i be having a baby?"
your feet are flatter and tougher than Fred Flintstone's
your immune system is so well developed that it has been known to attack squirrels in the back yard.
you always try to schedule days off around the phases of the moon.
the hems of your scrub pants are held in with 3-0 chromic or steristrips.
you are the only one at the dinner table NOT allowed to talk about your day at work.
your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat
you've ever had a patient with a nose-ring tell you "I'm afraid of shots."
you believe that the sight of a full moon can ruin a perfectly good day
your family members must have a fever of at least 105 or be missing a limb with active bleeding in order to receive your sympathy.
You've ever told a patient to 'move toward the light.'
You've ever used an ABD as a makeshift sanitary pad
You constantly feel the veins in your girlfriends or wife's arms, boasting, "I could hit that one easy"
You believe that all the patient needs is some vitamin A (ativan)
You've ever run out of linens, syringes, IV fluid, meds, and patience all at the same time
It IS as BAD as you think, and the patients ARE out to get you
You ever told a patient he didn't need to be dead to donate an organ
You do the "only-27-more-minutes-of-the-shift-from-hell happy dance"
When you need the money, your shift is cancelled; when you have a weekend planned, you have to do overtime.
You believe the more equipment you see on a nurses belt, the newer they are.
You always follow the rules, but be wise enough to forget them sometimes.
You believe there will be problems.
You can't cure stupid.
You believe if it's wet and sticky and not yours, leave it alone!
You believe that idiots that get into car crashes are the first ones to complain how bumpy the ambulance ride is.
You believe there is no such thing as a "textbook case"
You believe the best way to give someone a nice warm feeling deep down inside is by using warm water in the enema bag.
You have seen more moons than the Hubble telescope.
To you the phrase "divide and conquer" means getting two co-workers to help you change the bedsore dressing in the crack of a 400 pound patient.
You ever, secretly, wanted to mix crazy glue into the lube while inserting a foley on a patient that has pulled out three catheters on your shift while restrained.
You own at least three pens with the names of prescription medications on them
You never get into an argument with an idiot, because they only bring you down to their level and then beat you with experience
You hide on Thursday nights to you don't have to translate all the terms on "ER" for your friends/relatives.

You know you are a night nurse when:
You live for the thrill of always driving in the opposite direction of rush hour traffic.
You can drink a pot of coffee and still go to sleep in the morning.
You are willing to beg, borrow, or steal not to work the night daylight savings time goes into effect.
You want to throttle anyone that states: Night shift must be so boring, all the patients do is sleep.
Your sense of humor seems to get more "warped" each year.
You can only tell time with a 24-hour clock.
You believe the problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
You've ever thought, 'Patients, God love 'em, because today, I sure don't!'
You believe that saying, 'It can't get any worse' causes it to get worse just to show you it can.
You wash your hands before you go to the bathroom
Everything only happens all at once.
Most everything can seem humorous...eventually.
You know that the North American Wannabe is really an eight-month pregnant woman that is tired of being pregnant, as in, "I wannabe in labor."
You can tell the pharmacist more about the medicines he is giving you than he can.
You've ever thought a blood pressure cuff would be an excellent gift for Christmas.
You've ever spent more money on a stethoscope than on a car payment.
You've ever been telling work stories in a restaurant and had someone at another table throw-up.
Your family stopped talking to you because every time you open your mouth it sounds like a recital from a medical dictionary.
You write a patient report and have to translate it to medical records because of all the acronyms in it.
You notice that you use more four-letter words now than before you became a nurse.
You think it is acceptable to use "penis" and "vagina" in a normal conversation.
You look in your closet and can't find anything non-medical to wear.
Every time someone asks you for a pen, you can find at least three of them on you.
You can comfort anxious patients with, "I know just how you feel. It's my first IV, too."
You believe any job where you can drive to work in green pajamas is a cool job.
You believe all bleeding stops...eventually.
You don't get excited about blood loss-unless it's your own.


**Just a little bit of nurse humor... I had to after a very VERY long day at work!! None of you will probably enjoy this posting as much as I do. And that's ok.